If by some miracle you have the vaguest curiosity about why I haven’t been posting, here’s the short answer:
It was performance anxiety.
Here’s the long answer:
My sabbatical started on December 30th. I just didn’t feel like writing that day. Or on the next day. By the third day, I had a couple of ideas, but I wasn’t sure they were worth wasting your time with.
Anyhow, after not posting for three days, I felt pressured to offer you something big. Other bloggers continued to “do what comes naturally”, and I envied them. But, I just couldn’t make it happen for you.
I’m still anxious. I hope this is satisfying. But, I fear it won’t be. It’s too short, and it’s about Pac Man. Sigh…
I’ve finally resigned myself to a sad truth. I really suck at Pac Man. I played it last night on our PS2. I’d like to use the fact that I’m out of practice as an excuse. But, please don’t let me do that. I’d be lying to you and to myself. In all honesty, I can’t imagine that I was ever any good at it, or that I ever will be.
Even on the first level of the game, the ghosts usually catch my little guy before he can pop all the pills. Even when I try to get myself into Rush Limbaugh mode so that I’ll have a better chance at accomplishment, it’s no use.
The red ghost named Blinky, he’s a baddie, ain’t he? He’s on my round ass before I can eat even four Oxycontin.
I’d tell you my high score, but it’s much too shameful. I don’t want to embarrass any future grandchildren I may have.
So, there you have it. One more thing I’m unredeemably bad at. And, while I’d like to be more hopeful about this whole predicament, I can’t be.
Fact is, I thought about ending this post with a Star Trek: Wrath Of Khan quote, in which I’d swear my vengeance at that mean little ghost and go out shaking my fist.
You know, something along these lines:
“Blinky, from hell’s heart, I stab at thee…For hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee.”
But, I’m not going to end it like that, because in my heart I know that Blinky and his friends have already won, and there’s no need for me to go all space seed over it. Those ghosts are simply protecting their prescription drugs from the likes of Rush and me.
I can’t and won’t begrudge them that.