Remember when Huey Lewis sung about it being “Hip to Be Square”? No? Well, he sung a lot of stupid stuff like that.
Thing is, I’ve decided it’s hip to be late. So, today I’m going to tell you about two of my favorite April Fool’s jokes:
Keeping Them Abreast
This happened when Michael and I first started seeing each other. My mom wasn’t sure how to feel about him and neither was my sister. I think it freaked them out a bit that I got so loopy over him so quickly and that I wasn’t shy about saying that I’d do anything for him.
So, being the terrible bitch that I am, when April Fool’s Day rolled around, I called my mom and told her this:
“Hey, Mom. How ya doing? Blah blah blah.
Yeah, I wanted to tell you something. I’m not too excited about it, but Michael seems to think it’s necessary. He wants me to have a boob job. I’m going to do it, of course. I mean, it’s not like he won’t love me anyway, but he says he’ll be happier with me if the doctors can get me to a D cup.”
Then I called my sister and told her the same thing.
Good times. Good times…
Being Like the Wrong Mike
This took place on the April Fool’s Day right after the infamous boxing match where Mike Tyson bit off the other guy’s ear.
I called Michael at work and told him this:
“Hey, Michael, Charlotte is fine*, but she got into a fight at school today. They want us both to come down and talk to the principal, because, apparently, she…she bit the other kid’s ear off.”
I was surprised he even went for this silliness, but I must have feigned distress pretty well. The worst part/best part is that he was basically just happy Charlotte had won the match. The story must have piqued his testosterone. I swear, I thought he was ready to take her out and buy her a beer or something.
I didn’t call anyone up and lie to them this year. Maybe I’m slipping.
Or, maybe – just maybe – I’m already planning for next year. Muahahahaha.
*I did say right up front that she was FINE. This is very crucial aspect of both emergency etiquette and fake April Fool’s Day emergency etiquette.