So, I am losing my mind to try one of these lemon blueberry bagels. I love and need my carbs. They help me stay bootylicious, you know. (Yes, my references always range between being 5 to 30 years out of date. If you have a problem with that, I don’t think you are ready for this jelly.)
My first mistake was speaking to someone before I finished my morning coffee. I had only swigged down half of it before my conversation with the man I will henceforth refer to as Ye Olde Breadguy. Now you should know, before I go into this, that I was kind and gracious throughout this exchange, and post-coffee the silliness of it might not have even got on my radar.
But, it did get on there, and now I am sharing, because it has started to tickle me a little.
It started when I asked Ye Olde Breadguy if he had seen any lemon blueberry bagels. He said he had never heard of them, so I told him, “Oh well, no worries. They may not even be out yet. Thanks, anyway.”
That could have been the end of it. But, no. He goes on to say, “I don’t have any kind of blueberry bagels. Blueberries are not in season.” Then I felt somehow ignorant for not having checked my “Farmers Almanac” on that point. I’m only half joking. I was actually a bit shamed.
On the other hand, he was standing directly in front of several packages of blueberry bagels even as he was generously bestowing this information on me. No kidding. They were right behind him. I did not point this out, because I am a fucking super hero of niceness today. Except for this snarky-assed blog post.
Anyhow, the whole thing was disconcerting. Not because he was in such close proximity to the very animal he was professing not to have. That added to the goofiness, of course, but that’s not my issue.
My problem is this. Blueberries being out of season is, at best, only tangentally related to the question at hand. The season is not particularly relevant, because….wait for it…..
FUCKING PRESERVATIVES EXIST!!!!
Yes. Yes, they do. They have for some time, in fact.
So, what we have here must be a time travel situation. He is obviously from a time well before mono and diglycerides, maybe even before the very first grandma took fresh cucumbers and popped them in a jar with vinegar and spices. Hang on there. I need to look this up.
Googling. Googling. Ok, here we are.
The first recorded canning started in France in the 1790’s, while dehydration of fruits and vegetables was accomplished by people in the Middle East as early as 12,000 BC.
Either way you look at it, it’s high time to shut the hell up about the seasonality of things unless we are wanting to eat them fresh, and even then, there are greenhouses. Yep, greenhouses exist as well. I don’t think I’m blowing anyone’s mind with these facts, but I want to shout them from the rooftops just this one time, in hopes of never having to talk about this ever again. Ever.
Fresh blueberries do sound really good right now. Too bad they are out of season.