Category «General»

Lies and Carbonation

Remember the old joke,”That girl is like 7up. She never had it. Never will”? I do. I also remember the 7up ad the joke was based on. Of all the giant corporations I trust*, without question, because I know they always have the publics best interests at heart, I guess I love the 7up the …

My Mother’s Favorite Daughter

Understandably, I am my Mom’s favorite* daughter. Naturally, my sister, Michelle, is terribly jealous of this fact and, to this day, refuses to acknowledge the truth of it. She can be a bit short-sighted in this area, so I have to remind her of my superiority whenever we meet. That’s what keeps us close – …

Condom Sense

“When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is a lesson to be learned. Don’t have sex with the authorities.” – Matt Groenig I have a daughter and I don’t want President Bush to make her decisions about parenthood and contraception. Especially when his apparent view on the matter is abstinence. I’ve no …

We Should Build a Fart Shelter

We had beans tonight. I won’t say who the culprit was, but one of us farted. It smelled bad enough that we all had to step onto the back porch to escape it. I think we all need fartypants for nights when beans are served. Here’s a great website dedicated to fart facts and trivia. …

My Giant Head

“I feel pretty, Oh, so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and bright! And I pity Any girl who isn’t me tonight.” – from West Side Story (Lyrics by Stephen Sondheim) My head is huge. When I need new frames for my eyeglasses, I’m almost embarassed for the optomotrist to measure the distance between my …

Twinkle, Twinkle Little Nose

Bewitched is being re-aired on TV Land. Unlike The Brady Bunch, Bewitched doesn’t need a laugh track. You know where the funny parts are, because they are actually funny. What a concept. I intend not to miss an episode. But, I do have a couple of concerns regarding my favorite t.v. family. One thing that …