Year archives: 2003

Solarcaine and Cigarettes

The plaid suit jacket was purple and blue. It was wool with polyester lining, and it was four sizes too big for me. It was sort of David Byrnesque. You remember the Talking Heads video Once in a Lifetime, right? That was way back in the eighties when we all thought video had killed the …

Savages

What kind of people ring your doorbell at 10 a.m. on a Saturday morning? And what is the appropriate response to such rudeness? Here’s what we did. First, we argued about who was more properly clothed to answer the door. Since, Michael was bare chested and I was in my ratty purple robe, neither of …

LOTR Spoof

I’m amazed I hadn’t seen this before today. I would’ve thought it would have been all over the internet twice by now. If it’s old news to you, I’m sorry, but I intend to watch it at least 5 more times.

What’s That Smell?

My thoughts are huddled together like cavemen during a thunderstorm. They are all in the back of the cave next to a rendering of a bison who has been poked with so many spears that he resembles a porcupine, and they do not want to come out. What I do when I write usually feels …

Breaking a Record

I’ve had a headache for three days. Anyone know what the record for that is? That’s why I haven’t been posting. It hurts to think. By the way, I’m going to try to give up diet drinks, since they can cause migraines. I hate regular soft drinks, so I’ll be drinking a lot of orange …

Fairy Tale Wickedness from a Real Life Nun

Surreal. I didn’t know the definition of that word at the time. I was only in first grade. But, when I look back on being physically and emotionally abused by a dwarf in a habit, that is the first word that leaps to my mind. Her name was Sister James Albert. Don’t ask me why …