The way cable television works is a mystery to me. It’s just a bunch of wires and gadgets, and I don’t know which doohickey connects to which thingamajigger to make the pictures come onto the television screen. (I hope I haven’t lost anyone with all the technical terminology I’m using, but I think it’s important to be clear, don’t you?)
So, next Tuesday a cable repairman is coming to our house. I have plenty of time to bake a cake and hire a band, but I’m not optimistic that he or she will fix the problem, as this will be the eighth Insight technician I’ve met over the past two months. They’ve all been very polite, but I’m rapidly losing faith in their ability to fix thingamajobbers and whatchamacallits.
The problem we have is sporadic, and therefore, difficult to diagnose. The connection can be fine for hours at a time and then will suddenly start cutting out every couple of seconds. Usually, it tends to start acting screwy right at the end of a really excellent flick. The better the movie, the greater the likelihood of the connection cutting out during a pivotal scene.
Of course, when the repairman is here, the television will act great – the picture will be better than ever, and every station will come through in detailed digital glory. In response to this phenomenon, I will stammer defensively at the technician, “No! But, but, you should see it when you’re not here. It’s reaally baaad. Honest!”
But, the most frustrating aspect is this: Every single time the company sends someone out, they call the night before to see if some act of God has finally fixed my cable so they won’t have to be bothered. For example, “This is Ima Dipp with Insight. You have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow. Are you still having the difficulty with your connection?”
It takes all the strength in my body not to scream at them, “Well, I don’t know, did you f*ckin* fix the problem?!!!!”
This leads us quite naturally back to the beginning of my post where I told you that the way cable works is a mystery to me.
Well, dear blog friends, the tragic part of this story is that I’m beginning to realize that the jumble of wires that makes up my cable connection is just as much of a puzzle to the folks at Insight as it is to me. And that is very sad and stupid and stupid and sad.
But, the bright side of this epiphany of mine is that I now feel qualified to help out. So, when Tuesday rolls around, I’m gonna be ready to offer the tech helpful suggestions like, “Hey, dude, what’s that in your toolbox? That’s a funny lookin’ instrument. You should totally use that next.”
If I start assisting them, I bet they’ll move mountains to get my cable fixed.