Have You Tried Jiggling It?

The way cable television works is a mystery to me. It’s just a bunch of wires and gadgets, and I don’t know which doohickey connects to which thingamajigger to make the pictures come onto the television screen. (I hope I haven’t lost anyone with all the technical terminology I’m using, but I think it’s important to be clear, don’t you?)

So, next Tuesday a cable repairman is coming to our house. I have plenty of time to bake a cake and hire a band, but I’m not optimistic that he or she will fix the problem, as this will be the eighth Insight technician I’ve met over the past two months. They’ve all been very polite, but I’m rapidly losing faith in their ability to fix thingamajobbers and whatchamacallits.

The problem we have is sporadic, and therefore, difficult to diagnose. The connection can be fine for hours at a time and then will suddenly start cutting out every couple of seconds. Usually, it tends to start acting screwy right at the end of a really excellent flick. The better the movie, the greater the likelihood of the connection cutting out during a pivotal scene.

Of course, when the repairman is here, the television will act great – the picture will be better than ever, and every station will come through in detailed digital glory. In response to this phenomenon, I will stammer defensively at the technician, “No! But, but, you should see it when you’re not here. It’s reaally baaad. Honest!”

But, the most frustrating aspect is this: Every single time the company sends someone out, they call the night before to see if some act of God has finally fixed my cable so they won’t have to be bothered. For example, “This is Ima Dipp with Insight. You have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow. Are you still having the difficulty with your connection?”

It takes all the strength in my body not to scream at them, “Well, I don’t know, did you f*ckin* fix the problem?!!!!”

This leads us quite naturally back to the beginning of my post where I told you that the way cable works is a mystery to me.

Well, dear blog friends, the tragic part of this story is that I’m beginning to realize that the jumble of wires that makes up my cable connection is just as much of a puzzle to the folks at Insight as it is to me. And that is very sad and stupid and stupid and sad.

But, the bright side of this epiphany of mine is that I now feel qualified to help out. So, when Tuesday rolls around, I’m gonna be ready to offer the tech helpful suggestions like, “Hey, dude, what’s that in your toolbox? That’s a funny lookin’ instrument. You should totally use that next.”

If I start assisting them, I bet they’ll move mountains to get my cable fixed.

Comments 7

  • Have you tried standing in front of the set and swearing like a sailor? It probably works just about as well as having the technicial out and might make you feel better to boot.

  • Get Direct TV. Costs about the same and their techs know what they are doing. Funny post, though, thanks!

  • I shudder to use the word “convenience” after telling you truthfully that my battle with the cable company has been going on for two months solid. But, really, that’s what it’s about. We get our internet, our cable, and our phone all through the same company, so we only have one bill.

    And that would be convenient, but for the fact that I have logged countless hours on the phone with Insight. They are annoying beyond belief and apparently have no means of interoffice communicaion. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have to keep explaining over and over what the problem is to every individual there…

    But, we are going to get Direct TV if they don’t get it fixed today…Sigh. I’ve had enough.

  • If you do get Direct TV, be sure to get TIVO too. Sometimes there is a whole package; the dish, the TIVO, your service, the dish and installation for free or service for free the first few months. Ask them about TIVO when you call, if you don’t already have it.

    TIVO has changed the way we watch TV. We’re no longer bound to the TV at all. Everything we want to watch is all sitting in there, waiting for when we decide to watch it. We watch less TV now, actually, because there are no commericals to sit through (saving time) and we’ve become pickier in what we DO watch. It’s pretty cool….big thumbs up! 🙂

  • that’s funny — ima dipp also works as my advisors admin. assistant! i had no idea she had two jobs!

  • I am sure I worked with the entire Ima Dipp family at one point.

    Gosh how frustrating though…it always during a good movie isn’t it?

  • Hotter than a master bedroom full of yellow jackets
    Last week was our week of “summer,” and in a very bad way. It hit 97°F at my house on Friday, which is a record. Saturday was almost as bad at 95°F. My friends in Texas are probably wondering what the big deal is. Here’s the big deal: we don’t …

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.