Fear of Commitment

My greatest challenge when I get my hair cut is getting the hair dresser to fully grasp just how much I don’t ever want to have to do anything to my hair ever again. No matter how many times I see a hair dresser he/she is always surprised at how much hair I want cut off. The wonderful person who does my hair now used the words, “You want to be sheared like a sheep.” She’s right. She understands me.

My goal is to never have to use curlers, a curling iron, a blow dryer, any kind of hair accessory or hair spray ever again. I like my hair short enough so that all I ever have to do with it is wash it and run my fingers through it. I guess, ultimately, this boils down to a fear of commitment.

I don’t have this fear in other aspects of my life. I’m happily married. Although my husband has suggested that I should be committed, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t mean that he questions my devotion to him.

No, I’m just afraid of committing any more precious time to hair follicles that are dead anyway. I used to have long red hair down to my butt. I spent at least an hour a day washing, drying, brushing and curling it. I just figured out on my calculator that I spent fifteen days a year for about twenty-two years just playing with my stupid hair. That’s three hundred thirty days for those of you who are “mathematically challenged” like myself.

Anyway, the point is, I have divorced my hair. It’s very freeing really. I’m not giving up the toothbrush or bathing. I don’t want to be gross. It’s not like my great scientific mind is wasted on such trivial matters as grooming.

In fact, I would like to point out here that only Einstein himself could pull off having the hair he had. The man commanded enough respect that no one said, “Geez, Al, you look like hell today. Sure, it’s all relative, man, but for God’s sake, comb your hair.”

For my part, I get away with just throwing some gel in there… Hey, wait a minute, did Einstein’s hair actually defy gravity? If so, what does that mean to the scientific community? Was Newton wrong? Or, are we like in The Matrix?

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