The Gilligan Hat

My husband insists on wearing a bucket hat when we travel out of state. It is the most essential part of his vacation wardrobe, because it serves a dual purpose. It protects his shaved head from the sun’s harmful UV rays, and it drives me crazy.

He has little souvenir pins stuck in it. Lots of them. It probably weighs about five pounds with all the pins on it. But, it’s not quite tacky enough for him yet. (No pun intended.)

No, he thinks he needs to attach a string to it to ensure that it won’t fly off of his head on a windy day. I would be more concerned about that possibility, but again, it weighs five pounds. It would just about take a hurricane to knock it off his head.

Make no mistake, I am completely at peace with the fact that my husband is a geek. It’s just that, for safety’s sake, I would like to blend in to some degree when we are in other cities. But, I fear that looking like complete goobers is such a part of our nature that we can’t overcome it even for a few days.

Geeks will be geeks. If it talks like a geek, and walks like a geek and wears a hat with pins in it….

Anyway, in addition to the stupid gape-mouthed looks on our faces whenever we see anything of interest and the huge camera we carry around everywhere, he insists on wearing that nightmare of a hat. I’m sure this is a universal sign to muggers that we are not only out of our element but also mildly retarded.

I don’t quite grasp why we haven’t yet been robbed at gun point. Maybe we look like such easy prey that would be attackers wrongly assume us to be undercover cops. Or, maybe they suppose we’ve been robbed already or we wouldn’t be wearing Planet Hollywood T-shirts in public.

Oh well, who can guess? Maybe they simply fear approaching a man with big enough uh, bon bons to go out in public wearing that hat. I mean, it looks silly, but I guess it demands a certain amount of respect. I just know I’m not going to lose any sleep over it if it should get blown off in a hurricane.

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