We had Thanksgiving dinner yesterday or what we vegetarians consider it to be. I made a Tofurkey with all the fixin’s. So, tonight it’s Tofurkey leftovers. Yum.
I have been thinking of the things for which I am most thankful or, if you will, all the things I love.
Remember that Tom T. Hall song, “Old Dogs and Children and Watermelon Wine“? Or, that other Tom T. Hall song, “I Love“? They are pretty much the same song, so if you’ve heard either, you’ll know what I mean. I started sounding way too much like that while I was writing this post, so I had to delete the whole thing and start over.
So, rather than use this time to write some abstract list of things I love, I’m going to do one of the things I truly love – and that is mocking other people who love to write lists of things they love. Whew, did you get lost in that run-on sentence?
Don’t get me wrong here. I will sing along with both of those songs when I hear them. I am a sap. But, I realize even while singing right along that Mr. Hall’s lists are very subjective. I’ll start with “Old Dogs and Children and Watermelon Wine”.
It’s all relative, you see. Sure “Old dogs care about you even when you make mistakes.” That’s great. But, old dogs fart a lot too.
Children. What can I say here? I love my daughter. Your kid might be nice, too. But, if your child ever has a sleepover and invites twelve of her closest friends, you too will come to realize that some children are, well, challenging. That was a diplomatic choice of words, wasn’t it? (See how sweet I can be? My first instinct was to say that other people’s children are acceptable to me only when they are sleeping or doped up on cough medicine.)
Watermelon wine sounds good, doesn’t it? I mean, it really does. But, have you tried it? I have. I can sum it up in one word. Ewwww!
Now onto Tom’s “I Love” lyrics. He says he loves pictures of his friends. I’ll assume that since he is a country music artist that some of his friends are country music artists as well. How many of those people are good looking in any traditional sense of the word? He might as well sing,
“I love giant beer guts,
saggy, flabby butts…
Greasy, prickly beards
He also says he loves Sunday school in May. I never went to Sunday school, but I did some time in Catholic school. I’m guessing Tom T. Hall likes to be spanked. Each to his own, I always say.
Here’s my own song. It should be sung to the tune of “I Love”:
I love wearing Converse chucks
Swearing when it’s fu¢k
A Corona with a lime
I love chipmunks in my yard
Beaver’s Dad was Ward
Cotton in my sheets
I love movies that don’t suck
Rhyming when I’m stuck
Farting when I’m gassy
I love my husband’s stinky pits
My web site getting hits
Having a rhyming dictionary
I think you get the gist of it now. Like Tom’s, my lyrics are very subjective. So, of course, your own version of this song would be different from ours. But, by all means, write it. It really is great fun. I got started and couldn’t stop. If you do write your own “I Love” song, please do me the honor of posting it here.