Don’t Go Breaking My Heart, Elton

I’m so jealous of Ellen Degeneres. On her talk show today she got to lie on the piano while Elton John played “Can You Feel the Love Tonight.”

I could die. Can you imagine how amazing that would be? You’d be able to feel the vibrations from every note. Oh. My. God.

So, here’s my plan. Don’t tell, ok? I’m sure if Elton thought I only had a month to live, he’d consider letting me wallow on his piano while he plays “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.”

So, all I gotta do to is convince everyone that I am going to bite the proverbial big one, and that my dying wish is to writhe on Elton John’s piano while he plays a song for me. He’ll get all upset when he finds out about it, and he’ll want to make my last days the best they can be. Maybe he’ll even want to do another re-write of that Marilyn song in my honor.

Maybe I should write the lyrics myself preemptively so that he doesn’t have to go to any unnecessary trouble on my account.

“Seems to me, you lit your farts with a candle in the wind, never knowing where to run to when the pain set in…. ”

I’ll keep working on it. It was my first try. Cut me some slack. I’ll get it together.

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