Married

This is one of those subjects that hits close to home for me. That’s why I’ve put off writing about it. I don’t want to come off as flippant or nonchalant about an issue that means a lot both to me and to people close to me.

But, if ever there was a time to take a firm stand and bury my feet, that time is now.

My husband said to me before we ever got legal documentation of our marriage that he already considered us a married couple because of what we have together.

He’s right, of course. What makes a marriage between two people is a lot more than what’s written on a license. But, insurance is nice. If we wanted to adopt a child, we could. That’s nice too.

Interestingly enough, if we were not married and we were living together, we could not adopt a child. I guess it’s somehow immoral not to have that piece of paper.

Our family life didn’t change a bit after Michael and I got a marriage license. Charlotte is not traumatized in the slightest from those days when we didn’t have it. She’s never even seen the document that legitimizes us, and I think she’s ok with that.

I’m slowly ambling up to my point here. I have two friends who are gay and who cannot get a marriage license for that reason. They’ve lived together for sixteen years, and believe you me, they are married whether they have a license or not.

They never have sex anymore (from what I hear), they don’t go out to bars and they lead really boring lives in general. They work. They read. They watch tv. Pretty wild, huh? No need for all you straight men to get jealous of all the butt sex they get. Rest easy. They aren’t getting it any more often than you are.

I don’t see an argument against gay marriage as rational at all. Saying that we can be non-discriminatory but not allow marriage sounds a lot like that separate-but-equal crap they had not so long ago for our African American brothers and sisters. There is no equality when you are segregating a part of the population by saying, in effect, “Your rights stop here while ours go to way out there. But, hey, we’re not beating you up as much now.”

Sorry if I get a little preachy. But, I just got to thinking about how many straight couples have spent a lot less time together and have a lot less invested in each other than my friends do. For example, all those Hollywood types who marry and re-marry and divorce every week. That stuff goes on, and those people get marital benefits while two good people who have loved each other for sixteen years can’t get any respect from our government.

I’ve no doubt that the same thoughts I’ve shared here today have been better expressed elsewhere, but I’m still glad to have finally had my say on the matter.

So, how are you?

Comments 6

  • Long time reader, first time commenter (who is really embarrassed that she said that)…

    I was married once, 25 years ago briefly and swore I’d never do that again and haven’t. BUT, as a straight woman, I absolutely have the choice in this country and all others.

    I cannot find the words to express how stupid it is that my gay friends are denied that choice. Your words do it for me. Thanks.

  • Always glad to know I have a long time reader. 🙂

  • It seems the opponents of same-gender marriages are more focused on the technical implementation of the first (of four) definitions, that they’ve lost sight on the scope what it means to be in a union. This I don’t understand.

    By the way, I chuckled at your comment about “They aren’t getting it any more often than you are” as it occurred roughly as a friend and I were debating the statistical anomalies of the Durex (http://durex.com/us/sexsurvey/globalsexsurvey2002/global_sex2002_freqb.htm) survey. Our current theories: the age range of the respondents is very low, none of them have young children, and/or the respondents are all liars.

  • You are of course so right! I wonder why more people don’t think with their heart a little, when they are talking about matters of the heart. I think the world would be so much better, if everytime a person looked down on another, they would be in that persons shoes and feel what that person feels for a day. I think you should run for something. I would vote for you. Love you and Proud as always.

  • I think that too many people who oppose same sex marriages do think with their hearts instead of their heads. Unfortunately their hearts are filled with ugliness or at least partly filled. I am sure there is good in most of them too. Hatred of diversity could root from fear of the unknown and change. Arrogance may be another factor because, as long as there are people they can feel they are better then, it puts them higher on the societal ladder. If they look down on someone else maybe a good fix would be for that person to look up and dot their eye. No, I am a pacifist so that isn

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