My sister is dangerously insane. We went out with her for Thanksgiving on Wednesday, but because she was out of town and couldn’t be with us on Thursday, I was obligated to go Christmas shopping with her yesterday.
So, I decided first thing yesterday morning that I would need caffeine to survive the ordeal that surely awaited me. I turned out of McDonald’s parking lot, thinking my acrobatic coffee to be held securely in its cup holder. It somehow managed to turn itself over, jump out of the holder and spill itself all over my leg. I was saved from any skin grafting that would otherwise be necessary by my penchant for pouring 8 to 10 little creamer packs into my scalding hot beverage. By the way, you have to pour some coffee out to put that much creamer in there, but my lack of severe burns clues me in that my ritual is well worth the extra effort.
Hey, in case you’re wondering, I’m not the loser who sued McDonald’s. Coffee should be hot. But, I do fondly remember how, in years past, I’d get a cup of McDonald’s coffee at 7a.m., carry it in bitterly cold weather three blocks back to my work, leave it on my desk for two or three hours while going about my morning ritual, and come back to it warm every single day. You can’t do that with just any coffee. Only with McDonald’s molten lava coffee is this possible.
But, I digress. My point is that, coffee spillage aside, I knew I shouldn’t have risked leaving the house yesterday – what with all the non-driving butt monkeys who go out on the day after Thanksgiving above all others.
But, out of love for my sister, I spent the day driving with my speedometer at precisely 3 mph. I know this is not the fault of the person driving directly in front of me. No. It’s the fault of the asshat who slowed down to three miles an hour for a green light . Although he is too far in front of me for me to see him, I know he’s there, never using his gas pedal, always testing his breaks. He perpetually remains somewhere ahead of me in traffic, and his only purpose in life is to slow me down and break my spirit.
But, it takes more than bad traffic and coffee-stained jeans to get me down. I was thankful on Thursday for all the good things in my life and I still am today.
I am thankful…
…for my daughter and husband who are smartasses of the highest caliber. They are also the most gentle and loving people on the face of the earth. I appreciate all these qualities and wouldn’t change a thing about either of them.
…that I have a good enough relationship with my sister, Michelle, that she wants, not only to see me for the holidays but to drag me along shopping, even though I kick and scream and whine incessantly.
…that my Mom goes shopping with us and whines right along with me about how much it sucks and how much her feet hurt.
…that for the past few days I have been so busy cooking, eating good food and enjoying the company of all the people I love that I haven’t had any time to blog.
…that you’ll forgive me for neglecting my blog for a few days because, well, you are just that cool.
So, anyway, I hope everyone had a lovely holiday. Oh, and just so you know, I haven’t spilled coffee on myself yet today.
Life is good.