Weird Searches Number Whatever

THIS POST IS NOT FOR CHILDREN.

So, here’s how it goes. This is where I respond to some actual searches people have typed into their search bar only to find my site. It’s supposed to be funny, but I’m all sardonic and lethargic today, so I’ll make no promises.

Actual search words are underlined. My responses follow.

How to be a crackwhore

Maybe you imagine that you are way ahead of other potential crackwhores, because you are taking the time to research the ins and outs of the job here on the internet. Well, you’re wrong. The other potential crackwhores are out there right now giving blowjobs for coke. Get movin’, girly. All you need to know is that you’ll do anything for crack. Don’t over-think this thing.

George Bush wants to put a man on the sun

Well, no, I don’t think he’s admitted to that. But, he’d probably like to. Especially if we’re talking about a gay man.

horrors committed in the name of god

Well, isn’t that special? Which search engine sent this person here?

Yeah, it’s a crappy website. I don’t update it as much as I should, and it looks atrocious, but I never claimed God had anything to do with it.

Aside to God: I never tried to shift the blame for for this onto you. It’s all a big misunderstanding. Please don’t smite me with a thousand thunderbolts. Thanks. Uh, we cool now, right?

photos evil

I’m not sure I agree. All photos, or just the ones taken at the DMV? ‘Cause you know the debil crawled into the camera there and they can’t git ‘im out.

So, there you have it. Another weird searches post. Or, if you prefer, another “horror committed in the name of God.”

As usual, I’ll end this with a general thank you to all the porn fans who make this web site popular by doing these searches:

claire redfield porn

snow white and the seven dwarfs porn

wil wheaton naked pics porn

To the person who did that last search I listed, please go ask Uncle Willy himself to supply you with such things. He already told me no.

Comments 12

  • i would like someone to figure out once and for all what percentage of web traffic is dedicated to porn. i’m guessing it’s a lot.

    snow white and the seven dwarfs? ew.

  • I can’t remember who said this, or I’d attribute it. I’m starting with a migraine, or I’d look it up.

    Anyway, the quote is something like this:

    “If they took all the porn off the internet, there’d eventually be just one website, and it would be called ‘Bring back the Porn.'”

    Anyway, Bryan, I’m guessing that percentage is a very high number. Probably much higher than I can count to right now. Argh. My head.

  • the only reason i read bryan’s site is for the possibility that one day he’ll post nekkid pictures. he does talk about the boys an awful lot. i’m thinkng the pics aren’t too far off. 😀 hee.

    you’re wrong debbie. bush wouldn’t just like to put one gay man on the sun. i think he’d be happy sending them all. but i could be wrong on this.

  • I check my referrers log every (week)day, and there’s NEVER anything that interesting. People often find my site looking for the drink recipe . . . which is appropriate, I guess.

  • Patricia – Do you think Bryan’s gonna bust out of the Dik Sok(TM) or are you thinking about more PG13 rated stuff?

    Scott San – Sorry about the boring searches. If you want more porn searches all you gotta do is repeat the magic word “porn” over and over again (just like I did in the post above). Also, the word “housewife” seems to draw ’em like flies.

    Anyhow, I have yet to try your drink recipe, and I have been meaning to. Maybe this weekend will finally be the one.

  • oh yeah. he’s itching to bust out of the Dik Sok (TM). I can just feel it. That he wants to bust out I mean. Not that I can feel the Dik Sok. Though wouldn’t that be an interactive experience. hee.

    syrian sexy girls is what draws the hordes to my site. and still to this day i don’t have a clue what makes these girls so freaking sexy. they need to write a book or something. help the rest of us out.

  • LMAO, Patricia. They are all exotic and stuff, right? But, see, the same guys are looking for “bored housewives”, which are, you know, not exotic but desperate. A “Syrian Bored Housewives” site would get so many hits you couldn’t keep it up and running.

    Hmmm…Not a bad idea.

  • for the record,

    no, i’m not likely to post a picture of myself in a dik sok.

    yes, if i were to do so, i would certainly be busting out of it.

    *spits in a manly fashion*

  • Wow. I know I had something to say but the whole Dik Sok conversation kinda threw me off and now I’m trying to decide if naked pictured of Wil Wheaton or photos of the infamous Adams Dik Sok would be more of a draw. Maybe I can do some sketches and . . . wait a minute, focus. Ah yes, Crackwhores. That’s what you could do. Print up a little manual and sell it on your site. I think you’ve already covered most of what they’d need to know.

  • I was just looking for some Grinch slippers but your site is quite amusing. what the hell’s the matter with people searching for all this weird porn?

  • I am so sorry about the Grinch slippers thing. I did a search for them myself in hopes of putting a link here, but I’m thinking you can’t buy them on-line anymore. Or, at least I had no luck.

    Anyway, glad you like the site. 🙂

  • I get a lot of searches for “bubble wrap girls.” The hell!

    These are really funny, debbie

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