The Passion of Andy Rooney

I’ve thought Mel Gibson should be brutally crucified ever since I sat through What Women Want. So, if Mel’s new movie, The Passion of the Christ, actually had Mel in the starring role, I’d have to go see it.

As it is, I’m undecided on the matter.

For one thing, I know going in that this movie has ZERO surprises. I’m no Bible scholar, but I know the outcome of this one. The Christ dies. Horribly.

Now if I were going to make a Crucifixion movie, I’d have Christ get resurrected at the end. No one would see that coming!…Oh wait, what’s Easter about again? Nix that idea then.

Give me a minute. I’ll think of something…

Ok. Here it is. Christ rents and watches this weird, kinda creepy video that has a lonely wooden chair and some horses and a lighthouse in it. Now, unbeknownst to the Lord, everyone who has seen this video before Him has gotten crucified in exactly SEVEN DAYS from the day they watched the creepy movie! Isn’t that great?!

No?

There’s no pleasing you people…

Wait now. A thought is slowly edging its way into my small brain.

There was a reason why I started this post. What was it? I’ve gotten so far away from it now that I’m going to have to circle back around to find it again…

Voila!

ANDY ROONEY!

That’s what I wanted to talk about! Andy Rooney. Apparently, our old friend Andy is catching all kinds of hell for being sacrilegious. The new definition of sacrilegious is as follows:

Sacrilegious (sak ree lid jus) – Calling Mel Gibson a wacko.

Bored But Busy NEWSFLASH

In a surprising turn of events, it has been discovered that James Caviezel is NOT – I repeat – is NOT actually “The Christ” after all! It seems he is only an actor and, therefore, a fraud of the worst sort. It has yet to be seen whether he will serve any jail time for posing as The Son of God.

In related news, The Passion of the Christ is not a fucking documentary. Who knew?

Now back to your regularly scheduled wasting your time reading my blog.

So, yeah, Andy called Mel Gibson a wacko. Why would Andy do such a thing? Why?

Well, his enemies would have you believe that he says “crazy” things like “The war is misguided” or “Mel Gibson is a wacko” because he is senile and too old to even know what he’s talking about.

I have another view on this matter. I think he’s old enough that he doesn’t give a rat’s ass what we think about him anymore. I’d be willing to bet that he’s made his peace with his maker, and that he’s seen his share of war and wackos. He’s also been entertaining Americans for as long as I can remember, so in my humble opinion, he’s earned the right to call them as he sees them.

I mean, it’s a sad day in America when you can’t even call a wacko a wacko without having a bunch of wackos send you hate mail!

Would I go so far as to say that’s wacko?

Well, no, because I’ve said it far too many times already, but if I hadn’t, I might.

In conclusion, I’d just like to say that Mel Gibson is a wacko. In addition, Bill O’ Reilly is a wacko, Ann Coulter is a wacko, Rush Limbaugh is a wacko, Michael Jackson is a wacko, Jeffrey Dahmer was a wacko and is now a dead wacko. Charles Manson? WACKO! Oh yeah. The list goes on and on…*

*If it seems like I really enjoyed writing this post – especially the last part – it’s because I did. In fact, if I were a smoker, I’d have taken long draws off of a cigarette afterward. It felt oh so good.

Comments 1

  • you’re right about the passion — if you’re not dying to see it, there’s no reason to see it.

    rooney sucks, but not because he called mel a wacko. he has reached that stage in his life where he doesn’t give a shit what anyone thinks. including, for example, his viewers, which is why his segments on 60 minutes always suck. he also needs to trim his eyebrows. badly.

    and you’re a wacko. ha HA!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.