If you sprinkle when you tinkle. Be a sweetie and wipe the seatie. – Lau Tzu
Just kidding about Lau Tzu there, but whoever wrote those words was wise indeed.
This wisdom was initially intended for men, but should be extended to women as well, because I can’t tell you how many times I’ve started to sit down in a public restroom and then been confronted with droplets of urine all over the seat.
This gets me a little upset, but I understand how it happens.
Some ladies like to hover over the toilet in order to avoid touching the germy seat, but in so doing they piss all over it. This leaves the next person in that stall with three options:
- Hover like the person before you, and leave behind an even larger mess for the next poor soul who enters the stall.
- Wipe up someone else’s urine. (Not my fave, but I’ve done it when there was a line behind me and I HAD to go.)
- Use another stall. (My personal favorite. Without a doubt, it’s the coward’s way out, but it’s also the most sanitary.)*
As it turns out, the germy public toilet seat is not as bad as you might think, although it’s quite possible that the germ count rises dramatically on a toilet seat after someone sprays piss on it. Sigh.
I found the article I linked to above interesting in that it suggested the only STD you can contract from a toilet seat is crabs. Now, it’s a well-known fact that crabs can jump pretty far, so those who hover are theoretically no safer from them than the rest of us are.
So, good news. In order to get an incurable venereal disease, you’re gonna have to do something more stimulating than just sitting on a toilet seat.
Ladies, I challenge you. Sit on a public toilet seat today. Just say, “What the fuck” and make your move. Carpe Diem! Live a little! Don’t kill the whales!
But, if you find you must hover, please be a sweetie and wipe the seatie.
*You’ll notice I didn’t mention seat covers here. That’s because I’m giving the pee sprayer the benefit of the doubt by assuming there were none at her disposal.