Let Me Call You Sweetheart

Michael frequently calls me “sweetheart.” It’s a word with three meanings. He once explained his usage to me, but it was unnecessary. I’ve always been able to tell which version of the word he’s using by hearing the tone of his voice.

But, in case you ever get to meet us in person, I’ll try to clarify things for you:

Meaning 1 –

Sweetheart – The usual meaning here. It’s simply a title that conveys I’m his loved one.

Meaning 2 –

Sweetheart – The most literal translation is “how sad for us that you are such a moron.” Usually pronounced with emphasis on the last syllable, it’s used to express sympathy toward me and a certain amount of wonderment that he’s married to the stupidest living person on the planet.

If used in a sentence, it might read, “SweetHEART, why are you wrapped up in a blanket with a blazing fire going in the middle of April? Didn’t you know I had the air conditioner on?”

Or, possibly, “SweetHEART, how did you get lost, only four blocks from our house? HOW?!!!)

Meaning 3 –

Sweetheart – This is similar to meaning number two in that it conveys pity for me. However, in this case, he’s just generally feeling sorry for me because I’m inept or klutzy or both: “Sweetheart, we didn’t hear you screaming that you pulled your knee out of it’s socket. Sorry. We had the television up too loud. But, you must be ok now or or you couldn’t walk on it, so shut up and let us finish watching our cartoon.”

A brief footnote-

Somewhat ironically, around our house, the word “bitch” is always used lovingly and pronounced with reverence…

Comments 7

  • OOH! I hope you’re okay! I pulled my knee once over a year ago in a Spring Break incident (there was dancing and deep backbends involved… it wasn’t pretty) and it still sort of hurts a bit now and then. Getting old sucks. We just don’t heal the way we used to. I hope you feel better!

  • The original incident happened when Charlotte was just a baby. I almost passed out from the pain and actually had to push the bone back into the socket. I went to the doctor the next day, told him what happened, and he said, “You couldn’t have done that.” Then he examined me and realized he was wrong.

    So, now I always have to be careful with my left knee, because with very little provocation, the bone tends to pop out of place and then back in again. Generally, when this happens, it will only be sore for a day at most.

    The gist of it is that I’m basically fine, if somewhat fragile. Thanks for the kind words though. 😀

  • maybe he can try out Honeychild, it’s got about nine meanings in my household, ranging from “lovely one” to “you foul-mouthed little %^&(&(*&&*^&*^(&*”

  • I have a bad right knee. Happened when I was running a lot in my twenties, got worse riding horses in my thirties, now it’s just a fact of life. *sigh*

    My hubby uses the same tones, but with, “Sweetie”.

    I’m sending this to him and asking if he recognizes himself. 🙂

  • It’s Honey at our house, but otherwise just the same.

  • My wife and I use “honey” all the time. And, instead of “bitch,” it’s “hooker.”

  • Heh… “honey” is now my replacement word for “dickhead”. I call SK “honey” all the time.

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