Allergic to Avril

Far be it for me to criticize anybody’s art but my darling husband has been afflicting me with the radio quite a bit lately, and I feel a strong need to vent a bit. If you disagree with my usage of the word “afflicting”, you obviously haven’t been listening to a station that plays a fucking Avril Lavigne song three or four times an hour. Lucky you.

If you like Avril, fine. I’m gonna make fun of her anyway. I’m sorry, but it’s everything, everything that I wanted. It was meant to be, supposed to be, and I’ve lost it

I guess the big mistake I make with Avril is that I tend to listen to her lyrics. It’s a no-no. My husband and daughter both like her, because they are blissfully ignorant of lines like this:

“Let’s talk this over, it’s not like we’re dead
Was it something I did? Was it something You said?
Don’t leave me hanging in a city so dead…”

At present, I’m not one of those Americans who is down on Canada. I hear they have good drugs there, and a lot of nice people are moving there. Where da party at? Canada.

But, let me tell you, Canada, I’m getting pretty bitter about this Avril Lavigne export business. Let’s get this straightened out right here and now. Kids in the Hall reruns? Good. Avril Lavigne? Bad.

That’s how I feel, eh. And if you don’t like it, well, take off, hosers!

Note: In case anyone pays attention to these things, the time stamp is correct. I am indeed writing about Avril Lavigne at 3:35 a.m.. If you must know, upon waking up to pee, I noticed that I had that stupid “My Happy Ending” song bouncing around in my head and instantly became too annoyed to go back to sleep. Hence, the post.

Comments 13

  • OOH me too! I am not an Avril fan. I liked her first song when it first came out. But after the EIGHT MILLIONTH time I heard it I felt the need to rip my eardrums out.

    And the fact that she completely screwed up pronouncing David Bowie’s name at some MTV awards show? In an insultingly awful “I’m-young-and-cute-and-dark-so-it-doesn’t-matter if-I-know-who-this-ROCK-GOD-is” way? Well. That did it for me. It IS like you’re dead, Avril. Dead to me and all David Bowie loving normal people throughout the universe. Just stop singing please. Zombies should be quiet and stand in the corner. Quietly. (Which doesn’t rhyme with anything except SHUT UP AVRIL.) 🙂 (OOOH. My Rant suddenly turned ugly. I like it!)

  • I like the part where she’s a skater/punk artiste. And she’s serious about it. “What, me? No, my musics not market-tested. And I wrote all of it. The Matrix just shaped it.”

    First of all, have you seen her without all the make-up? Yeah, punk indeed.

  • Or “Bovril Latrine” as we learned to call her here… I feel your 3:35 pain – mine was “Pearl’s A Singer“, but I’m cured now.

  • You know, I didn’t remember that song, maybe my mind had mercifully blocked it out, but after reading the lyrics, it came flooding back.

    You win. That one’s actually worse than the Avril song.

  • hmm, she is kinda annoying, but there are far worse out there.
    and just remember canada gave us bryan adams….

  • AVRIL LAVIGNE SHOULD GET GONNOREHEA AND BURN IN HELL! Im sorry, im not a very hateful person, im actually very accepting …i love a lot of people. But she is just so completely and totally wrong! I don’t think she even knows who David Bowie or Billy Idol ARE. Good god, what is this world coming to?

  • Canada has produced much, much worse than Avril.


  • Actually, I feel the same way when I hear Alannis Morrisette, which really really bothers Sean, because I should RESPECT Alannis. I disagree.
    But the Kids in the Hall make up for most of it.
    And we are moving to Canada for the DRUGS! You’ve discovered our secret! BC bud! Or budd! Or whatever!

  • A friend of mine recently left her husband of 14 years and arrived on my doorstep to gush about her newfound freedom. Somewhere during that first conversation, she went into a long and winding revere of the depth of Avril’s lyrics and how they had given her the strength she needed to make the choice to leave and hold her head up high. It was all I could do not to spit my wine all over the table and bash her head in with the wine bottle. When thirty-five year old women start taking their cues from insipid teenage girls and forty year-old men rush to pick up the new copy of Maxum to see the Avril layout, well the world has gone somewhere in a handbasket and it is deeper and darker than hell.

  • How come famous people like Avril can never die in plane crashes? It always has to be the good ones. Her and Britney should both go down on the same jet. That would make my whole year!

  • The first time I saw her face, I was turned off. She reminds me of those stupid bitchy girls I hated in high school and college. “It’s my ahhhht! I’m an AHHHHTEEST! You couldn’t possibly understand my ANGST and my SOUL and my PAIN! I use lower case instead of capitalizing to show I’m edgy, I put numbers in where letters should be to STARTLE and AMAZE you! (Sk8ter) I spell “boy” as “Boi” to show I’m WITH IT! I’m DIFFERENT! I’m UNUSUAL! Watch me FLIP YOU OFF, just because I’m AVRIL!”

    Shut the hell up.

  • OMG, on behalf of Canada and all Canadians, let me say how truly truly sorry we are for Avril, Celine, Bryan etc. etc. I can only offer the Bare Naked Ladies as penance. I have the misfortune of working with a 47-year old Maxim buyer who would play Avril NON-F***ing-STOP with the volume set to 11. I had to hide the cd. He came in with her earlier work. I had to break the cd. I’m not usually this violent.

    I’m sorry.
    So sorry.

  • yup you guys sure said it
    how coyuld ya not have at least heard of david bowie?
    he’s david fucking bowie!
    c’mon thats just damned ig’nent
    what’s next is she gunna ask if buffalos really have wings?
    sounds like somnething her kind tend to do.
    ps she has insulted system of a down.
    yes go ahead and be even angrier