I’ve had country music forced upon me quite a bit lately, and I feel dirty all over. I’ve never been a fan, but I don’t recall that it was ever as much of a parody of itself as it is today. If the country music industry is serious, it should at least pretend it is joking in an attempt to save face.
In order to support my claim, I give you the following lyrics from real country songs:
I’d say this was my favorite, but I have no favorites – I hate all of them equally.
“…I keep my Christmas lights on on my front porch all year long,
And I know all the words to every Charlie Daniels song.
So here’s to all my sisters out there keepin it country.
Let me get a big “Hell, Yeah” from the redneck girls like me:
HELL YEAH! (HELL YEAH!)” – from “Redneck Woman” as performed by Gretchen Wilson
After hearing this particular song for the third time during my workday, I’m so close to snapping you can practically hear me crackle.
This one, I think, proves that Country music is being used as an extension of the long arm of the right wing:
“We take His name out of schools.
The lawyers say it breaks the rules.
Pledge of allegiance can’t be writ,
An’ under God, should not be said.
I wonder how He will take.
I just pray it’s not too late.
What if God quit tryin’,
He just turned away?
There were teardrops on his face?
Tell me, how would you feel?
You’d probably give up too,
If nobody believed in you.” – from “If Nobody Believed in You” by Joe Nichols
I take a bathroom break when I hear it on the radio. I have to. It makes me vomit in my mouth.
This one has a subtle message that comes through if you listen closely:
“Back when a hoe was a hoe
Coke was a coke
And crack’s what you were doing
When you were cracking jokes
Back when a screw was a screw
The wind was all that blew
And when you said I’m down with that
Well it meant you had the flu
I miss back when
I miss back when
I miss back when” – from “Back When” by Tim McGraw
It may just be my perception, but I can’t help thinking that he means he doesn’t like slang. Or drugs. Or, you know, black people.
I could go on for days with this, but I’ve almost reached the Toby Keith lyrics, and when you get to that point, it’s like shooting fish in a barrel. I fear if I stoop to that level you wouldn’t respect me in the morning. Know what I’m sayin’, yo?
If you do, let me get a big, “Hell yeah.” Or somethin’.