Nothing says “I love you” like a stuffed turtle you knit yourself, right? ‘Cause that’s what my husband got for Valentine’s Day. It wasn’t my idea. He asked for it, so I made it for him.
Obviously, my husband is gay and was searching for the best way to spring it on me, and the best idea he could come up with was, “I know! I’ll ask for a stuffed turtle for Valentine’s Day!”
Well, guess what? I’m still not biting. He bought me diamond earrings, so I’m not going to nit-pick about his sexual orientation. No need to rock the boat. Don’t ask. Don’t tell.
In case anyone is interested, here’s a list of other ways in which my poor dear closeted husband has hinted that our sex life might be one penis shy:
1. He bought tickets to “Lord of the Dance”. It was his idea and he went of his own accord.
2. He took his mother to see it with him.
3. He liked it so well, he bought the video.
4. No, really! He bought the video.
5. “Mama Mia!” tickets. His idea. (Yes, it’s an Abba musical. Sigh.)
6. He listens to Abba. He also likes Erasure.
7. He sleeps with men. (Okay, I’m kidding about this one, but you totally believed me, didn’t you? Because of the video, right?)
So, anyway, he took his turtle to work with him yesterday. Nobody beat him up. Still can’t figure that one out.