I Love My Gay Husband

Nothing says “I love you” like a stuffed turtle you knit yourself, right? ‘Cause that’s what my husband got for Valentine’s Day. It wasn’t my idea. He asked for it, so I made it for him.

Obviously, my husband is gay and was searching for the best way to spring it on me, and the best idea he could come up with was, “I know! I’ll ask for a stuffed turtle for Valentine’s Day!”

Well, guess what? I’m still not biting. He bought me diamond earrings, so I’m not going to nit-pick about his sexual orientation. No need to rock the boat. Don’t ask. Don’t tell.

In case anyone is interested, here’s a list of other ways in which my poor dear closeted husband has hinted that our sex life might be one penis shy:

1. He bought tickets to “Lord of the Dance”. It was his idea and he went of his own accord.

2. He took his mother to see it with him.

3. He liked it so well, he bought the video.

4. No, really! He bought the video.

5. “Mama Mia!” tickets. His idea. (Yes, it’s an Abba musical. Sigh.)

6. He listens to Abba. He also likes Erasure.

7. He sleeps with men. (Okay, I’m kidding about this one, but you totally believed me, didn’t you? Because of the video, right?)

So, anyway, he took his turtle to work with him yesterday. Nobody beat him up. Still can’t figure that one out.

Comments 12

  • hee hee. that is too cute.
    but seriously, i would say your husband is deranged, not gay. who on earth goes to see michael flatley willingly?

  • The turtle is very cute. And, you know..turtles as not as gay-ish as….well, as Tinkerbell would have been, for instance. Turtles still give off an semi-air of masculinity. You know, they bite and they can be mean suckers.

    Now, if he had wanted a knitted Tinkerbell to take to work with him, then I’d be worried.

    The Flatley thing is worriesome, though, gotta say. Maybe he just likes women who dance with their arms cemented to their sides? Hey, I understand; everyone has their kink! 😉

  • look at it this way: you’re not losing a husband, you’re gaining a shopping partner. or something like that, except funnier.

    you knitted a turtle? wow. i’m terribly impressed. i’m flirting with the idea of learning to knit. okay, i’ve been flirting with it for about five years now. any day i think i may get the nerve to make the first move.

  • AWW! I want one too!

  • Listen to this one – my husband DID confess to me that he was sleeping with men for the first ten years of our marriage. I am trying not to kill myself now. I guess his giant Beanie Baby collection should have been my first clue. I am dead serious….

  • the turtle is cute–the abba thing would drive me nuts:)

  • I think I love your gay husband. The turtle, I’m not so sure about. Wait, maybe that’s the other way around.

  • I totally believed you, but not because of the video.
    but because he listenes to Erasure.

    BTW, Sean? With the beard AND wearing a scarf? Scary Gay.

  • Ok, first I must set the record straight. I got my son the video for a gift. His sister went to the show with us as well. The whole show is a story being told in dance and song. The music is great along with the dancing. Yes, Flatley is gay but what a dancer. A man that can show his soft side (not Flatley) is a good husband. By the way he could have got you turtle earrings, then you could be worried:)))

  • Hey… I just happened to enter your site… And I gotta tell you, I love your husband 🙂 The turtle is so cute… I wish my bi hubby knew how to knit!

  • I am soo jealous. As I sit here with my two loud kids all I can say is :I wish my husband was gay!

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