Secret Agent Man

Me – My husband is so paranoid.

You – How paranoid is he?

Well, we just got back from a California/Nevada trip, which you probably don’t know anything about, because I wasn’t allowed to release any information about our leaving until we were safely back home. Why?

Michael – Nassty mean internetssses wants to steal the Precious and hi-jacks our identitieses. Hiss.

Me – Shut up, Michael. It’s gonna be ok. We’re home now.

You see, dear friends, whereas I am sure that you are all the classiest, best kind of people, my insanely paranoid husband is sure that as soon as I mention on the blog that we are going to take a vacation on such and such a date, that you will run straight out and rent a moving van in preparation to rob us blind when the appointed hour arrives. He thinks you are the absolute worst sort of scoundrels…You aren’t, are you? Of course not! You’re lovable scamps.

But, honestly, even if you did have malicious intent, I can’t imagine how you’d acquire our home address. Breaking into Fort Knox would be an easier caper to pull off. Even Michael’s own mother has to use our post office box for correspondence. I shit you not.

His concern with people mailing things directly to our home is that if we should ever move away, an important document might get into the hands of the new resident who will most certainly be a mustache twisting cad and who will surely use the information for some devilishly dastardly deed.

Still though, I’m pretty damn sure that we’ll give his mom our new address if and when we move, which to my mind is enough of a precautionary measure. But, what if his mom were to forget and inadvertently send something to the old address? That’s just what the mustache twisting fiend wants to happen! It’s a chance Michael is not willing to take.

Mustache Twisting Cad – Curses! Foiled again!

As I seem to have a tendency to do, I just used up all my time today making fun of Michael who, in addition to being a delusional nut-case, is a very good sport. Unfortunately, that means I don’t have even one minute left to tell you about our trip and how lovely it was.

It was lovely indeed. Super nice people one and all. Nobody threw anything at me or made fun of my extra head, which is good because I’m still kinda self conscious about it. But, I’ll spill more tomorrow. The family is clamoring for dinner. Yes, they do clamor. Don’t doubt it for a minute.

Mustache Twisting Cad – Shut up, bitch! Go fix me a turkey pot pie!

Comments 4

  • Yeah right.

    Where do you live again?

  • Say, are you guys going out again soon? Because I’ve been in your bushes since you returned and I have to pee. Man, I almost had that lock picked too! Oh, tell the kids I found the frisbee.

  • Ha! You make me think of my mom, who is eternally worried that somebody might track me down (not hard to do) and therefore, axe-murder her.

    Specific names, dates, and any other potentially personal info are verboten.

  • Hi, I like your new look!

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