Would You Have Any Grey Poupon, Be-atch?

In a rare moment of good taste, I managed somehow to blacklist myself from commenting on my own website. The tech-support also known as my dear husband, sighed, “Only you could get banned from your own site.” It might seem that he’d be annoyed with me, but truth be told, he finds my incompetence to be cute and girlish. Moreover, he finds all the weird shit I do to screw up the website both mysterious and strangely alluring. Intrigue is what our marriage is all about. I like to keep him guessing all the time. “What the hell did you do to your site?”

“I don’t know. Take a guess.” See how it works? He loves it.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

Oh, I do have one more thing to share with you. It’s loosely related, but not related enough for me to make a smooth literary transition into it. Hence the colon, which should be your signal that I’ve given up: Anytime you see the colon, I have given up: Here I go again:

Have you ever lost something really important? You look through your pockets. Nothing. You pour out your purse. Nada. You panic. You freak out a little. You imagine repercussions. You comfort yourself by saying things to yourself like, “Well, you know they say Einstein was absent-minded.” Then you answer yourself back with, “Yeah, but Einstein wrote that theory of relativity. How does your life stack up next to that? Uh-huh. I thought that would shut you up. So, where were we? Ah, I remember now, we were talking about you being a dumbass.” You beat yourself up a bit more after that for good measure. Then, the next day, you find out you didn’t lose the thing you thought you lost, because you had never even been given it in the first place? Meaning not only that you are living in your own little world but that the alternate universe you’ve created is so painfully mundane that you have to lose a key to shake things up a bit. How sad is that shit?

So, let’s just say, this happened to someone close to me – a close friend, may haps. Would you say this person needed electroshock therapy or ginkgo biloba, or both?

Comments 7

  • Awesome post. It says nothing but holds your interest anyway. Very Seinfeld-like.

  • It’s a blog about nothing.

  • What happens to me is I get something that I then put in a place that I KNOW I’m putting it so I can find it again…then I can’t remember where I put it. I find it a few hours days weeks months later and have an ‘ah HA’ moment where I say to myself, YES! I did put that there because I knew that was the first place I’d look…dumbass.

  • My alternate dimension me is always taking my stuff too! Frankly I can’t imagine why he wants all those socks and bread package twisties. My guess is the other me likes making puppets.

  • truth be told, you lost me right after “Hence the colon” because i was so deeply in heart with you at that moment, that i could scarcely keep my mind on the rest of your post.

  • “he finds my incompetence to be cute and girlish”

    that, right there, is the secret to a happy marriage:)

  • It isn’t cute and girlish to have a CAPITAL LETTER after a colon, he said, pedantically. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.