We were not in the theater to see “Revenge of the Sith” on the weekend it opened. I wasn’t feeling well, and rather than drag me anyway, Michael suggested we wait and see it some other time. As a result, he was shamed by his fellow geeks at work and now feels somewhat less of a man. At least he wasn’t banished. I hear you can get banished from the Secret Order of the Geeks for a grievous offense like that.
Speaking of Grievous, General Grievous has a Hamster Wheel of Death and that makes everything alright. I’m trying to get a song together with that idea as the main thrust, but it’s not coming together the way I want it to. I’d like the song to have kind of a retro Monkee’s feel to it, but I can’t decide where to put the “hey hey”s or the “no no no”s. Also, not much rhymes with Grievous.
My songstressing woes aside, I must admit that I liked the movie overall, because gadgets never fail to impress me. And, although Grievous met his death because he was a clumsy oaf, he had FOUR lightsabers, which you must admit is quite something. Four lightsabers! Can you imagine the time you could save making a salad if you had some mad utensils like that?
Also, I gotta give Lucas many props on killing Padme. Good call. The only way to improve on that would be to clone her and then promptly kill her again. Could she have possibly been more bland even if they had poured her out of a white box labeled “BLAND” in large black capital letters? I’m not talking about hotness here. Amazingly, she is both incredibly hot and incredibly bland at the same time. It’s unsettling. Yet, I can almost hear the discussion that must have taken place in order for this miracle of duality to happen. “We have this hot actress, let’s give her some lines that convey a personality of some sort. We did that with Carrie Fischer. We could do it again.” Then some slug chimes in with, “No, ’cause if we do that, we have to make Samuel L. Jackson’s character likeable too. It’s too much trouble. Nah, let’s just dress her up.”
So, they dressed her up and then killed her and that makes everything alright. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I would normally close there, because “yeah, yeah, yeah” is such a good way to end a train of thought. But, we have to talk about Vader. Specificically, the scene where they put Anakin in his Vader gear for the first time.
One word: “Spaceballs.”
The helmet is too big! Or, is the head too small? Either way, putting the big helmet on and then doing the burnt Sith walk was comic gold.
My husband explained to me – rather condescendingly, I might add – that Anakin is badly burnt in the scene and is trying to get used to the new gear. Well, DUH. (Notice how I revert into a ten year old child when I get defensive? That’s just one of my many charms.) But, in my never humble opinion, where Lucas was trying to convey the horror of Frankenstein, he got Dark Helmet instead.
Nobody has to agree with me. At least not yet. (I’m having a hard time getting that bill passed for some strange reason.)
May the scwartz be with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.