Category «General»

Silver Lining

The receptionist at our plumber’s office seems like such a genuinely nice person that I regret not having more to chat with her about than a leaky pipe.

Ouchy, Ouchy, Ouchy

Proving once again that, if you’re klutzy enough, even the simplest things can be hazardous, last night I managed to harm myself while eating hot and sour soup. Somehow I splashed the soup in my eye. Even if I hadn’t already given up on the possibility of leading a life of crime, that little accident …

Olympic Moments

Having no athletic ability whatsoever can really put a damper on a person’s Olympic dreams, so I’ve sort of resigned myself to the fact that the best I can do for my country on that particular front is to watch the games attentively from my couch while stuffing popcorn in my face. The sacrifices I …

YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!

Ok, so it’s time to fess up about Friday’s game. Thanks to everyone for playing! Most comments EVER! Woohoo! *clears throat and regains composure* Story 1 was true. It’s a little easier to believe if you know us personally. See, Michael uses the word “bitch” as a term of endearment for me. No, really. I …

Missing: One Canary

The best worst thing about me is my inability to lie with a straight face. If I catch a good hand at poker, everybody else at the table folds immediately – I’m that easy to read. So, today I’m overjoyed that I get to lie, and if I’m lucky, maybe even get away with it, …

She Needs Both of Her Hands Free to Scratch Her Butt

My daughter is going through that phase where she wants to pretend to be completely independent. The most humiliating thing she can imagine happening to her is for me to kiss her in public. Charlotte would like for all of her friends to think that she was raised by wolves or possibly cloned. It’s just …